40 Life Lessons I Wish I Knew at 20
When I turned 30 a decade ago, I wrote an article sharing life lessons for surviving your 20s and crowd-sourced advice on excelling in your 30s. Apparently, you loved it. Now, here’s more good stuff: 40 life lessons I’ve learned by 40 that I wish I’d known at 20. Dig in!
1. Your Relationship With Others Reflects Your Relationship With Yourself
If you treat yourself poorly, you’ll unconsciously seek out and tolerate others who do the same. Treat yourself with dignity and respect, and you’ll only accept that from others. Get right with yourself, and you’ll get right with the world.
2. Feel Better by Doing Things Worth Feeling Good About
Respect is earned, not given. Engage in activities that build your self-esteem and reinforce your sense of worth.
3. The Only Real Failure Is Not Trying
Rejection only comes from not asking. Success and failure are fuzzy concepts that exist in your mind before you act, not afterward. Afterward, everything is a mix of both; the only real failure is doing nothing.
4. No One Is Coming to Save You
No single achievement, goal, or relationship will solve all your problems. You’ll always feel somewhat inadequate and dissatisfied—this is normal. Accepting this is part of being human.
5. Be the Partner You Want to Have
If you desire a healthy, loyal partner, embody those qualities yourself. Ask yourself: would you date you? If not, that’s a problem.
6. The Most Valuable Things Compound Over Time
Health, wealth, knowledge, confidence, and relationships all take time to grow. Start building them early, and by your 30s and 40s, you’ll have an incredible life.
7. Exciting Things Have Diminishing Returns
While social media, casual sex, and other distractions may be fun at first, they often lead to diminishing returns. Experience these things, but don’t let them consume you—except maybe for blowjobs.
8. If You’re Not Turning Down Exciting Opportunities, You’re Not Focused
Our world is filled with distractions. If you’re not struggling to prioritize what matters to you, it’s time to reassess.
9. Taking Responsibility Alleviates More Suffering Than It Creates
Most think that taking responsibility for their pain will make it worse, but it actually empowers you to address it. The more responsibility you take, the more control you have.
10. Blame Gives Power to Others
When you blame someone for your problems, you relinquish your power. Don’t let anyone else dictate your happiness.
11. If You Have to Tell Someone You’re That, You’re Not That
True wealth, intelligence, and confidence don’t need to be announced. Don’t say it; be it.
12. Motivation Follows Action
To feel motivated, start with the smallest action towards your goal. Let the momentum carry you forward.
13. Love Is the Effect of Commitment
You don’t wait for the perfect relationship to commit; you commit to build the relationship.
14. Passion Comes From Mastery
You don’t wait to find something you love. You learn to do something well, and through that process, you develop passion.
15. The Person You Marry Is Also the Person You Fight With
Every relationship comes with its share of challenges. Understand that what makes you happy can also bring stress.
16. A Happy Life Includes Meaningful Stress
Life isn’t about avoiding stress; it’s about managing meaningful stress that contributes to your growth.
17. View Exercise as an Investment
Don’t exercise just to lose weight or reward yourself. Instead, see it as an investment in your long-term energy and well-being.
18. Trust People
Most people are good at heart. While you may get hurt sometimes, the alternative—living in mistrust—is worse.
19. Everyone Has Problems
Problems don’t disappear; they evolve. Embrace the challenges you face, as they will prepare you for future ones.
20. Growth Is Often Painful
Growth requires letting go of old values and identities. Allow yourself to grieve those losses.
21. Reject Being Normal
Normal often means unhealthy and unhappy. Embrace what makes you unique instead.
22. If You Can’t Say No, Your Yeses Mean Nothing
Your identity is defined by what you choose to give up. If you don’t make decisions for yourself, others will make them for you.
23. Be Careful How You Define Yourself
Your identity can trap you. Define yourself loosely to remain open to change and growth.
24. Avoid Making Assumptions About Others
You have no idea what others have experienced, and the same goes for yourself. Be open to learning and understanding.
25. No One Thinks About You as Much as You Think
Most people are too busy with their own lives to focus on your insecurities. This realization can be liberating.
26. Confidence Comes From Comfort With Failure
Embrace your flaws and learn to accept failure. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being real.
27. Be Willing to Be Disliked
This willingness gives you the freedom to do what’s necessary, even if it’s unpopular.
28. Impact Comes With Criticism
You can’t make a difference without facing some backlash. Understand that this is part of the journey.
29. Floss and Wear Sunscreen Daily
Trust me, in 20 years, you’ll be thankful for these small acts of self-care.
30. Extraordinary Results Come From Ordinary Actions
Overnight success often stems from years of hard work behind the scenes.
31. Choosing a Partner Is More Than Romance
You’re selecting a confidant, advisor, and best friend. Choose wisely, as they will shape your life in profound ways.
32. Don’t Overestimate Romantic Love
Love can amplify problems as much as it can heal. A healthy relationship requires more than just love.
33. Trust Is the Currency of Relationships
Trust forms the foundation of all good relationships. Without it, relationships crumble.
34. If All Your Relationships Have the Same Problem, Look in the Mirror
If you find a consistent issue across relationships, it’s time for some self-reflection.
35. There’s No Such Thing as a Bad Emotion
Every emotion can be channeled constructively. Learn to navigate your feelings positively.
36. Embrace Early Mornings
I used to think mornings were for the birds, but trust me—waking up early is a game-changer.
37. You Don’t Have to Prove Anything
Remember, you don’t owe anyone an explanation or proof of your worth.
38. Life Advice Is Like Clothing
Try it on, and if it doesn’t fit, discard it. Good advice will endure; bad advice will fade.
39. Nothing Meaningful Is Easy
We don’t appreciate what comes too easily. Seek out the challenges that bring you joy.
40. It’s Never Too Late to Change
A friend once shared a story about his grandmother. After her husband passed at 62, she took piano lessons for the first time. She practiced diligently, surprising everyone with her mastery of classics decades later.
